


i'm coming home

by strze_lec



Series: happily ever after: bedtime stories and more [2]
Category: The Resident (TV 2018)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:34:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26156584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strze_lec/pseuds/strze_lec
Summary: She looks down on four rows of tidy handwriting she would recognize everywhere.Since it’s getting close to midnight and you’re silent, I guess you got caught up at hospital.(I hope you didn’t stand me up)I don’t know if you’re still coming, but if you are – there’s dinner in the fridge for you to reheat.Eat something honey.– AJXOXOShe reads the note twice before she drops it back on the counter, even more disoriented than before. Her instincts want to keep being wary, she’s not used to letting her guard down even though the letter is anything but shady. On the contrary, it’s attentive and indicating the effort he puts into their new relationship.Then why is she feeling like it’s messing up with her even more than her own thoughts did before?
Relationships: AJ Austin/Mina Okafor
Series: happily ever after: bedtime stories and more [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1899409
Comments: 1
Kudos: 22





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, short explanation - I've decided to change the structure of happy ever after: bedtime stories and more, because with possibility of more chapters being couple of parts long, I totally didn't like how the fic looked like. The stories sort of worked on their own anyway, linked by a timeline (kept in an unchronological order) and a vague connection to the plot of other chapters, so instead of having the fic with multiple chapters, I've decided to have separate fics in a series gathering them all together.  
> I hope the change doesn't bother you much.
> 
> For those who didn't get the chance to read yet - the series focuses on what happens once Mina and AJ cross the final line and become a couple. Will they find their _and they lived happily ever after_? Or maybe there is nothing to find, because they're already living it?
> 
> Kudos for my beta who managed to go through this mountain of words.

_Two weeks, three days_

She feels… weird. Not wrong, just… kind of out of place.

The key finally decides to be cooperative and she repeats the motion he has shown her in the morning. Half and quarter of the circle, then half back. The lock clicks back in place and Mina pushes the door open without any resistance. She tries to be as quiet as possible, because the lights are turned down, both downstairs and upstairs, only a soft glow is coming from the kitchen. She glances down on her watch and the timer shows it’s seventeen after one am. No wonder he’s asleep, he’s taking the morning shift.

Mina closes the door behind herself and hesitates, her palm staying on the handle instead of moving to lock the door for the night. Perhaps she should head back to her place. It’s late anyway, they won’t spend any time together as they planned, not now, not in the morning. He will get up long before her, that’s why he gave her the keys so she could let herself out. _Dammit_. She was supposed to finish at nine thirty, come over to there to watch a movie, have sex, cuddle or whatever. Maybe in this order or maybe do none of the listed. What matters is – that was their last chance to properly see each other in the next few days as her schedule turns into nightshifts tomorrow. They’ll see each other only during a morning or an evening briefing.

Great. Just great.

 _Fuck_ the patient who decided not to fasten his seatbelt while rushing through a rough turn with the speed seventy percent higher than the legal limit. He coded them three times in the spawn of twenty minutes, efficiently lengthening the surgery twice. She couldn’t even request a change in assistance, because apparently today was a _National Day of Natural Selection_ and two similar cases hit the ER one after the other. All surgeons and surgical residents were up to elbows in their own patients. She had to stay.

Honestly, the longer her medical career lasted, the less sympathy she could find for idiots who were the source of a life-threatening damage to their organs.

Mina rubs her eye with the back of her free hand. She can feel drowsiness hiding underneath her eyelids, sense how the exhaustion tightens her back muscles and swelling takes over the soles of her feet. It was a demanding shift, even without the last operation she wouldn’t be up for anything crazy after having back-to-back-to-back long, reconstructional surgeries with doctor Voss. She can only guess that if she wouldn’t decide to _check up on ER_ afterwards, Bell wouldn’t recruit her as his second pair of hands and she would make it to August’s on time.

As they say – hindsight is twenty-twenty.

Her palm drops from her eyeline to cover her mouth when a sudden yawn tries to escape her lips. Mina makes quick calculation of pros and cons. She’s already there. There’s no point in taking the trip back. It would only be a waste of fuel and in her current condition she could even join those risky bastards in their ICU celebration.

Well, _fine,_ she likes the speed too, but if she would be about to end up on a tree, she would make sure there’s no point in bothering anyone with putting her insides back where they belong.

She moves the bolt into place, securing the house.

Alright.

She’s getting some shuteye.

And a snuggle.

August is a cuddler, he will most likely wrap himself around her like ivy the second her body will sink into the mattress. Lace their fingers if he’ll hug her from behind. Or sneak his arm around her waist and casually grip her buttocks if he’ll be laying facing her.

Despite the tiredness, her heart finds the energy do to a little flip inside her chest. Thinking about them as a couple still feels surreal; she had to pretend her stomach didn’t fill up with butterflies whenever he smiled at her for long enough, then one day she could let her lips and hands roam freely from the tip of that messed up head to… lower, much lower areas.

The scientific streak in her wouldn’t reach fulfillment if she didn’t investigate everything tactilely, right?

Mina nods to herself conformingly as she puts the keys in the bowl sitting on a console table next to the door. The metal makes a contact with other objects in the vase – pennies, random batteries, rubber bands, leaflets from different restaurants – and following _clink_ is loud enough to draw an annoyed _meow_ from somewhere near the bathroom. She almost whispers apology before she realizes how ridiculous the impulse is. Time to hit the pillows. 

She slips out of her shoes, then crossing the salon, Mina makes her way to the kitchen to pour herself some water. The backpack she placed on her shoulders while getting out of the car hangs low at the level of her kidneys and she threads carefully so not to bring anything to the floor with its movement. She doesn’t tend to be erratic even when exhausted, but it’s just too perfect an opportunity to knock something down and wake AJ up. He would probably think someone broke into the house given the hour.

Does he have a gun…?

Her eyebrows draw together. She cannot remember them ever talking about gun control, despite how popular the discussion is in US. Perhaps she should approach the topic next time they’ll get the chance to talk.

A snort leaves her mouth as she takes the glass from a cabinet and fills it to the brim with water. Ah, she would have forget. The odds they will get the time to see each other anytime soon are small and – let’s be honest – once they will, chatting probably won’t be high on their list of priorities. Especially not about arms limitations in the United States. She gives in to the habit and rolls her eyes on that. Simply thinking about the subject requires maintenance of cognitive functions they’re hardly possessing after a round of… lovemaking.

Mina tastes the word on her tongue as if she’s said it out loud. Feels strange, but it fits. _Lovemaking._

She chuckles internally.

 _Okay,_ it does fit, but she’s not going to sing it from the rooftops or whatever lovely dovely crackheads like to do. She didn’t turn into a pile of emotional goo yet and she doesn’t plan to in the near future. Or distant, for what it’s worth.

She’s Mina _freaking_ Okafor. She can handle being in love with AJ Austin without letting her limbic system play the first fiddle.

Most of the time.

This time she chuckles outwardly as a _very specific memory_ resurfaces from her mind and she’s glad she didn’t choose this moment to gulp down the water, saving herself from an episode of an embarrassing cough.

The exception proves the rule, _hmm?_

She takes a long sip to clear her musings.

_Yeah, it definitely does._

Her back leans against the counter while she drinks the cool liquid and her stare sets forward without focusing on anything in particular. It’s dark in the living area, yet not so dark she cannot make out the shapes of furniture. Two couches, a table, bookshelf and AJ’s bellowed gramophone. As she moves her gaze lazily from one object to another, she feels her eyes relax slightly and another yawn presses on her lips. Time to call it a night.

Mina finishes her glass with a final gulp and turns around to place it in the sink quietly, deciding to wash it in the morning. She’s beaten, but part of her is still disappointed they couldn’t have a moment for themselves.

Also, _fuck_ the morality that made them decide to work separately. If not for all the ethics problems and possibility of bringing work fights into their private life, they could be beaten together now. At least they could share a take away pizza and drift to sleep with some stupid Netflix show playing in the background.

The instance that thought forms fully in her mind, she makes unimpressed face apropos her own standards. They’ve been together little over two weeks, why does that notion sounds like a decent scenario? Shouldn’t she want something more special?

_More special than your first official date?_

_Huh_ , okay, August pulled something that left her speechless pretty much at the very beginning of the date, though waking her up in the middle of the night wasn’t a nice touch (but the end justified the means in this case, she guesses. Besides, he made sure she would have a comfortable nap in the car. He deserved forgiveness). His idea easily slipped into category _best date ever_ and even with her wild imagination, she couldn’t find a concept good enough to top it ever since. Or match. She has to admit, when she’s going to take them on their second date – she claimed the right for that going out to be her treasure – she probably won’t reach the same level of brilliance his surprise did.

Despite the fact she had a strong knowing circling in the back of her mind the moment he packed her into the car, knowing and experiencing are two different things. Her excitement was rising consequently during the ride, yet once they’d reached their destination and AJ fastened her seatbelt with a wicked smile, then started working his magic, everything in her head went quiet and she could only watch.

And _what a sight_ it was.

Not long after the day had woken up in its cloudless glory, this terrible show off carried out on his promise about cards still being kept hidden inside his sleeve and she had her heart in her throat seconds later. Positively though. She trusted (and still does, obviously) this freak to bring them through his tricks safely to the solid ground in exactly as many pieces as they had taken off.

However, before delivering them back to earth, he made her blood buzz with adrenaline and her giggles fill the little space alongside his. Spirals and circles, he made his spectacle _astonishing_. By the time they’d reached landing, Mina felt lightheaded, but happiness – of such an amazing memory, of sharing this moment with _him_ – bubbling inside her chest covered all the complaints she might have.

Even when her legs almost gave in on the first contact with grass, she laughed it off, tightly clutching to August who was standing immovably beside her, clearly less affected by physical aspects of their flying session and more familiar with pressure changes. His arms wrapped around her waist to keep her upright while her dizziness was slowly subsiding.

Then asked about her verdict, this smug smirk playing on his lips again.

The only response spellbound Mina could come up with was grabbing his cheeks in both her palms and kissing the smile off his face, trying to _show_ him the joyful mix swirling in her bloodstream. She didn’t know how long the kiss lasted – hot, messy, gawky kiss – though by the end of it she was starting to feel woozy again.

The giddiness inside was making her grin stretch so far her mouth hurt and she slid her arms to his shoulders, hugging him closely and placing her forehead on the side of his neck in an attempt to contain her emotions. He wordlessly moved one of his hand up her back, clasping it on her nape and – probably against every physics rule – tugging her closer. They stood peacefully in a silence for a while; the early fall sun warming their backs in its morning sunrays and quiet sounds of a nature starting its busy day around them.

 _“Thank you for sharing this with me,”_ she let out only a bit louder than a whisper as her throat was still thick with awe.

“ _I’ll share with you whatever you want, babe. Name it and you shall have it_ ,” he answered with the bass of his voice, leaving an unhurried peck on her temple.

 _“What if I want to have you?”_ she asked before she lost the courage.

_“I’m already yours.”_

That was the moment the awareness she carried for a last few days bloomed in her heart.

They weren’t just friends anymore. There was no need for hiding or running away from the pull they felt toward each other, ignoring the chemistry thickening the air when their gazes met.

They were more. Two people consciously deciding to choose the other day by day, no matter the circumstances. _Partners_ in the truest meaning. And it felt right to finally use this word without strange taste of hollowness settling on her tongue.

He was hers.

She was his.

After all the history they had shared together, they made it.

The giddiness spiked again and she snorted lightly, feeling like her heart grew three sizes bigger and her brain three sizes smaller. Though, that was okay. At least that day. She could be foolishly in love for a moment. Later she would get back to her senses, but not yet.

Mina shifted slightly backwards to look at his face, to see the gleam in his eyes mirroring hers, to admire the sunshine smile she knew was dedicated solemnly to her person. Their gazes locked for a few seconds, the quiet understanding they had found in OR telling everything words couldn’t. She peeked down at his mouth and he got the hint straight away, meeting her halfway for another long, passionate kiss.

_He belongs to her._

Still standing in the kitchen area, Mina blinks, realizing how far her thoughts went. She rubs both her eyes, chastising herself for zooming out like that instead of heading to bed. She casts a glance on her watch. Thirty after one. Fantastic.

Sudden movement catches her attention and when she lifts her gaze back up she sees white and brown ball of fur sitting on top of the kitchen island, watching her with its big green eyes. The cat tilts its head and makes a needy _meow_ , probably expecting her to serve to his demands.

“No,” she shakes her head. “I’m not eating anything, you’re not getting anything, we’re both going to sleep.”

The sound returns.

“No, I know you’re a little liar and you _do_ have water and food,” she says, her hand rising to stroke the pet between its pointed ears without further contemplating. The cat digs its head to allow her a better angle, which causes a chuckle out of Mina’s lips. “So that was your point.”

Couple of seconds passes and the furry chest starts to vibrate with a low _purr_ , which brings an old-new thought back to the forefront of Mina’s mind. Her motions stop.

“I’m not a cat person. Or a pet person. I’m barely a living creatures who needs care person. Why am I even doing this,” she questions rhetorically out loud, aware she’s talking to the cat. _Again._ She moves her palm away from its head to points a finger toward it. “It’s weird and it fits this ridiculous Netflix scenario.”

Her expression darkens as she tries to make sense out of her musings and feelings. Mina is confident there _is_ a word describing this peculiar mix, yet it keeps slipping away from her mental hold each time she almost grasps it…

Frankly, she’s been noticing small, almost insignificant… shifts in her behavior, perhaps in her self too, yet she didn’t keep an eye on them, they were so random and minor. Although after consideration, she might also say they had… positive connotation?

She had heard a comment here and there about her improved mood throughout these little over two weeks. Even Voss today mentioned she seemed in good spirits and teased her about having a date (Mina laughed it off by saying she’s meeting with a sewing machine). If that wouldn’t be enough, Bell proclaimed her his godsent succor when she ventured to ER.

Alright, Bell’s remark doesn’t seem connected, but he wouldn’t get the opportunity to mention it without her charitable decision to venture downstairs without complaints.

So… there she was, doing good deeds like helping fellow surgeon or petting the needy cat, walking around in a good mood, coming to AJ’s simply to sleep with him, craving cheap nights of pizza and shows on a streaming platform.

This wasn’t exactly the Mina she knew and at the same time, she couldn’t decide she liked the change or not. Looking at the situation with a stranger’s eye, these were socially accepted, no – expected changes. People in relationships are supposed to be more empathetic, selfless, caring. Which of course isn’t bad in itself just… Not to be petty, but she doesn’t like to follow what society wants.

She didn’t spend her life building her personality as far from meekness as possible to now be the picture of a… appropiate girlfriend.

The cat in front of her _meow_ s quizzically, inquiring for the reason behind the abrupt lack of petting. She huffs _khhsss_ and waves her hand at it to leave, partially irritated, partially confused with her own emotions. The cat _meow_ s once more, but jumps down swiftly and walks away with the tail held high. Its motion makes something on the island slide across the granite surface and Mina reaches to pick up a sheet of paper.

She looks down on four rows of tidy handwriting she would recognize everywhere.

_Since it’s getting close to midnight and you’re silent, I guess you got caught up at hospital._

_(I hope you didn’t stand me up)_

_I don’t know if you’re still coming, but if you are – there’s dinner in the fridge for you to reheat._

_Eat something honey._

_– AJ_

_XOXO_

She reads the note twice before she drops it back on the counter, even more disoriented than before. Her instincts want to keep being wary, she’s not used to letting her guard down even though the letter is anything but shady. On the contrary, it’s attentive and indicating the effort he puts into their new relationship.

Then why is she feeling like it’s messing up with her even more than her own thoughts did before?

It doesn’t make any sense; neither her alien behavior nor her reaction to the sweet gesture.

Bothered by oddity of the situation, she finally moves toward stairs with a kaleidoscope in her mind. Tiredly and with uncertainty if staying was the right decision, Mina takes her steps up.

All the signs point to the conclusion that something's out of place, yet at the same time she cannot quite put her finger on it, because her guts don't seem alarmed. Her instincts – yes. Her guts – no.

Which is absolutely crazy, given the fact these two sources always seemed interconnected.

Who should she believe now?

At the top of the stairs she turns right and after walking through the corridor, she pushes slightly parted door open, careful not to make unnecessary sounds. The room is completely dark thanks to black curtains obscuring windows, there’s just a line of light on the floor coming from the bathroom. She slowly tiptoes through the wooden floor, although she knows he’s a deep sleeper. She had to wake him up for pages enough times.

Also, the snores behind her back speak for themselves.

Mina halts where she thinks should be an armchair and a standing lamp, the spot far bed. Her hand palms soft texture of the chair and she drops her bag on the sitting place before she moves to light up the lamp with its soft glow. She shuffles her foot from left to right next to the furniture where she remembers the cable and the floor switch were, but eventually finds nothing.

New sort of confusion marks her brow as she shifts to reach further. She has chosen this lamp to minimalize the chance of ending AJ’s slumber, but perhaps she should have just go on with the lamp sitting on the nightstand, it has much easier access to–

_Whack!_

“Fuck!” Mina hisses out when her forehead makes a contact with a metal lampshade and the goddamn object even dares to vibrate from the hit.

Her left palm raises to add pressure to the hurt. Her right hand tries to stabilize the evil lamp. She holds her breath.

But there’s just the sound of calm inhales and exhales.

Or it was, as in that exact moment her backpack decides to hit the floor. Literally. Obviously falling down not on the soft side. _Nooo_ , it lands on the side where she keeps her home keys and given the fact her bag was almost empty, they probably make an amazing somersault before they _clink_ with the floor so loud, it would probably wake up a dead person.

And August is exactly opposite, what’s more – his reflexes seem pretty intact as a glow flashes from behind her followed by rustling sheets.


	2. Chapter 2

_And August is exactly the opposite, what’s more – his reflexes seem pretty intact as a glow flashes from behind her followed by rustling sheets._

“Jesus, Mina!” he huffs out, relief apparent in his voice. “You’ve scared the shit out of me,” he adds in a more regular tone.

“Sorry,” she lets out, freeing her hands and bends to pick up the perpetrator of the commotion and lay it properly on the armchair. Then she turns around with an apologetic expression, yet has to squint her eyes due to the amount of light that makes her half-blind. All of sudden the musing she had pops back in her mind and she speaks before her words go through any sort of filtering, “This is probably a good moment to ask if you owe a gun.”

August must have noticed her trouble, because he twists to lessen the brightness as he questions, “What? Why?”

Once the room becomes darker AJ’s full form comes into her view. He’s pulled himself up to the sitting position with a blanket pooling in his lap. He’s wearing a loose white shirt with a round collar and his hair sticks out to the left. As if he has heard her thoughts – he runs his palm through the mess, next rubs one of his eyes while yawning. She has to admit, he looks surprisingly adorable for a big guy like him.

Her big guy.

Her heart skips a beat as it has been doing for half of the month and demands her to go to him immediately. Her brain chastises the stupid organ for its enthusiasm as she still hasn’t figured out what’s wrong with her emotions.

Oh, indeed.

“I was just wondering. It seems to be an important thing in the US,” Mina pauses slightly, feeling the awkwardness of her mixed up senses coming back, hoping it doesn’t make it into her voice. “We never talked about it,” she shifts with her back to him as she opens up the bag. In this situation it’s probably the best way to hide the confusion she would rather not talk about right now. She can only guess US gun policy will have to make it.

AJ gives her look of incomprehension she doesn’t see and glances at the clock, but decides against mocking her inquiry. “I do not owe any. I can shoot but I don’t like ‘em. It’s just crazy to me, I’d rather feel safe enough in my home, my country so I wouldn’t even think about needing a gun than have them in a shopwindow, you know,” he watches her pulling out some clothes, probably pajamas. Shame, he likes her better without them. Or in his shirt. He could lose the one he has on right now. “What do you think?”

“It’s a good point,” she mutters, rummaging some more through the backpack as if she is searching for another item.

August leans on the headboard, keeping his sleepy gaze on his _girlfriend._ The question seemed out of blue, but knowing his Mina, there was some thought process behind it, even if she doesn’t say anything else. Since she always stands her ground when they disagree, perhaps she shares his views enough not to counterargue. Or maybe she’s too tired to dig further.

He can tell by her posture, she’s favoring her right side, which means she’s been keeping her body weight on it for the better part of the day. It’s a common habit for surgeons to rely more on the side where their dominant hand is, so he can guess she has been operating a lot today. After couple of hours spent in OR in the maximum focus, it’s difficult to also remember about properly balanced stance. And you never really get used to the back pains.

Mina eventually sighs irritated, dropping the bag back on the armchair with pajamas after she couldn’t find what she was looking for. She crosses her hands at the bottom of her hoodie covering her top and pulls it up, revealing simple black T-shirt. Involutionary – of course – his eyes dip to the curve of her waist and lower, to her shapely bottom clothed in a skinny jeans… Jeans he was thinking about ripping off on inappropriate number of occasions; long, long time before getting together. He smirks on that memory, it’s almost funny Mina never caught him staring.

On the other hand, she would probably explain it to herself somehow – that she had some mysterious stain on the pants or that he was looking somewhere else behind her.

God, she was so fucking clueless.

This rouses a chuckle in his chest, but he manages to keep it inside. The sight of Mina’s legs definitely helps… _These legs_. He’s a man with a vast vocabulary, but describing what _these legs_ have been doing to him would only consist of a flowery metaphor of getting his dick hard and his hands itchy. There’s no point in pretending, once he got the chance to run his palms and mouth up the smooth skin of her calves, sensitive places underneath her knees and even softer skin of her inner thighs – all his wits were gone. Licking–

“You’re staring,” she deadpans, suddenly turned in his direction with one of her hands on her hip.

 _Now_ she’s being observant?

“Yeah,” AJ admits, placing his arms behind his head as befits a contented viewer. “These jeans are great. They’d look even better on the floor,” he glances suggestively toward the mentioned surface with a naughty smile playing on his lips. It’s just teasing, but if she would be up for some loving, he would most certainly deliver.

Though she doesn’t react to his provocation as he expected, “The pillow would look better with your head on it.” She picks up her clothes, her motions stiff.

“You’re saying I should just lay down and all my dreams will come true?”

“No.”

His grin lessens slightly. “So I guess you didn’t have a nice day at work?”

“Nope.”

He angles his head with a _sorry babes_ face. “You got stuck in the OR, huh?”

“Yeah,” she nods and crosses her arms on her chest with the clothes in between them. She’s stealing looks toward the bathroom, yet he feels as if she was avoiding his eyes more than being eager to visit the room.

“Tough case?”

“National Day of Natural Selection,” she mutters and rolls her eyes.

“Oh, shit. You gotta tell me about it. Or we can cuddle this out,” he proposes, but Mina remains unapproachable.

“No, I just want to shower and go to sleep,” she states and starts walking toward the bathroom. 

“Can I get a kiss at least?” he tries his luck

“No. You should go to sleep too, you’re waking up soon,” she adds with a sort of a wry face, not sparing him another glance before she disappears inside the bright room.

 _Odd._ His smirk fades down when the sound of locking the door fills the space and he’s left alone in the bedroom. Truth be told, he didn’t expect her to show up after she didn’t come in the evening. As he wrote in the note, he figured out she had to stay at the hospital, it wasn’t a rare occurrence for a surgeon. If they’d needed him, he would stay too.

So finding out she came here anyway – even if she gave him a mini heart attack… for the bad reasons this time – made him feel warm inside. To know that despite losing the evening of hanging out, she still decided to find herself in his arms at the end of a long day. It made him feel special.

Then why did she behave so distant? She asked him a question she didn’t really respond to herself and put out his joking, neither did she make any movement to close the physical remoteness between them. Also, she avoided his gaze.

AJ furrows his brows as the shower starts running thirty feet away. It’s not difficult to pick up the vibe from a person he knows well, especially if the person is basically radiating with the energy. He doesn’t want to jump to conclusions, it might be just tiredness, but he knows how tired, _exhausted_ Mina reacts. She’s grumpy, sarcastic and usually bad-mouthing, not aloof and tensed.

And Mina… Truth be told, she’s not a person who keeps her mood close to her chest. So it brings the question–

Would she tell him if she were bothered by something or would she keep it to herself?

Not that she can’t have secrets, she’s an independent person who shares her worries accordingly to her volition. He would never cross her boundaries by requiring the right to be a participant of her troubles against her will. It’s just that… She has trusted him with her personal business many times throughout their friendship, why would she withdrawn from him now?

Perhaps… he’s the part of the problem.

That would make hella lot of sense and not in a good way.

August sighs and slides down on the bed. His arm makes its way under his head again as he keeps his no more sleepy stare on the ceiling.

Did he do something wrong? She seemed in a perfect humor the last time he had seen her. After they has left in the morning – him for work, her for her apartment – they didn’t talk much, only exchanged couple of texts throughout the day and they referred to the time they were supposed to spend together. If they have any concrete plans, what she would like to eat. Very casual. Domestic even, he would say.

Was it about work? They don’t work together anymore and since they had stopped, they’ve been literally passing each other in the door. The probability of someone catching them on their new favorite shenanigans near the hospital equals round zero and it’s close to the same result outside of their workspace.

Then what would make their honeymoon phrase over? Well, if jumping on each other in between shifts, pillow talks and take outs can be called honeymoon phrase.

He supposes they can. Perhaps he and Mina skipped the regular dating part, but it happened without any need for clarification. Neither one of them needed more time dancing around each other. What they did need on the other hand were the opportunities to be together in the simplest sense of the word, with their hearts on their sleeves. Without boundaries. Talking. Joking. Touching. Particularly the last one, as this was a line they paid most respect to in their friendship. They could have played their smart-ass banter games all they wanted, but physical closeness brings another kind of intimacy and they knew not to come close to the flare.

Why not? Because when fire meets gasoline… It leaves two bodies tangled in a tight embrace with moans clinging to their dampened skin and panting taking over their breaths. Whispered endearments ringing in their ears. And somehow – their lips still hungry for more.

What was before brought to ashes.

A new beginning.

So, as they have agreed on _hit me with it rather than duck out_ policy, he hopes if something is bothering Mina that much indeed – and he’s almost sure there _is_ something bothering her – she will try to reach for him and consult her troubles.

Ah, mysterious creature, what’s been going on in that beautiful mind of yours?

The door to the bathroom opens quietly and closes just as swiftly. He doesn’t look at her, his eyelids halfway closed, even though his mind is working with daylight efficiency. Since he’s not watching, he doesn’t know if she casts a glance at him this time or not, all he knows are the footsteps graciously skimming over the floor. Their journey seems to end near the armchair, items are placed on it and then quietness. It prolongs for a moment, making him break and look into her direction.

Her back is facing him again and she’s holding something in her hands – probably a phone – and making scrolling gestures on its surface. She has changed into navy blue top and shorts, the material looking like silk in the light casted by the lamp on his right. It looks soft; yet not softer than a display of skin he has learned personally the feeling of.

“I didn’t think you’d come,” he mentions, his voice matching the hushed atmosphere of the bedroom.

Mina flinches, probably not expecting him to be awake. She proves his guess the second later, when she turns her head and asks, “Why aren’t you asleep yet?”

Mina _doesn’t_ flinch.

“Since you’re here, I didn’t want to go to sleep alone,” he admits after rising on his bent elbows. “Are you going to join me?” he smiles with one corner of his mouth, patting the bed on his left.

She turns back. “Yeah, a moment. I need to check something.”

“Is this spot better than others?”

“Mhm,” she murmurs somewhat absentmindedly.

His face creases a bit. She’s rarely this unfocused, certainly not by whatever she’s doing on her phone. _Please_ , she can be stitching a beating heart and still continue on with a conversation. This thing is not so important. Meaning she’s being distant on purpose and something _is_ off.

Explains why she’s stalling right now.

He senses his patience slipping away as drowsiness leaves his eyelids entirely. He doesn’t like this indirectness she pulls up right now. Somehow it makes him feel they’re back to square one, with her being hot and cold toward him. This random pattern of behavior was his biggest issue in figuring out whether or not approach her with his feelings – or wait some more. Finally he did it after realizing that in fact, he might be waiting for nothing, because as much as she was giving him mixed signals, she might have never want to get her message straight.

He couldn’t nudge her toward him. He didn’t want to, even.

He’s just a human, he needed to feel chosen too.

“Hey, babe, come on. I’m getting cold without you,” he beckons and pulls up the blanket on her side, though she stays glued to the floor as she was.

He drops the cover after a few seconds, getting more irritated with her. Maybe he’s overreacting, but he knows how long Mina can bottle up her issues, specifically regarding his person.

Perhaps he’s not as patient as he wants to believe. Sometimes his temperament gets the better of him and he can’t help his sudden annoyance or anger rising in his chest, even if working with Mina helped him tame his reactions on some level. Not tonight though.

“Mina?” he tries, but she ignores him once more.

That’s probably why he listens to a little devil sitting on his shoulder and says something that he doesn’t believe in altogether, simply to provoke her.

“Is that boyfriend in your phone more interesting than me? Hardly doubt it.”

She finally reacts, surprised. “What? I’m not texting anyone. What are you getting at?”

“It was a joke,” he shrugs casually.

“It didn’t sound like a joke,” her expression turns doubtful like she couldn’t even imagine he said it in the first place.

“Okay, this won’t be a joke. What’s going on?” he sits up again.

“What?”

“I don’t mind you not coming tonight without telling, because I understand you didn’t get to touch the phone before hitting OR, but I have no goddamn idea why are you acting now like you’d wish to be anywhere else.”

“That’s not true,” she crosses her hands on her chest.

“So what’s true then?”

“I’m just tired.”

“This is not how your _just tired_ looks like,” he shakes his head slightly.

“Oh, now you’re the expert in how I look like at any times?” she throws her hands in the air before she places them on her hips. He notices that she seems wary not to shorten the distance between them.

“No, I’ve seen you exhausted enough times to know when you’re selling me crap. Can we just skip the bullshit? Why are you standing as far from me as possible?”

Mina parts her lips slightly, glancing between them as if she didn’t expect him to acknowledge that nuance. Yet she doesn’t let him hold her off guard for long. “I’ve been here for five minutes and you’re snarling at me. Surprised I’d rather not touch you?” she rises her eyebrows at him angrily.

“You’ve been standing at the other end of the room since you came here. Did I manage to piss you off by waking up?”

“You’re pissing me off right now.”

“Good,” he nods, his lips pressed into a tight line in between his words. “Maybe it’ll rouse you enough to tackle the issue instead of treating me like a necessary evil.”

“You’re seriously too full of yourself,” she snorts, crossing her arms again.

“Am I now?” he feels himself getting more agitated witch each excuse she throws at him. Yeah, definitely the honeymoon phrase is over. “Come on, tell me that whatever put you in that shitty mood is not connected to me.”

He watches her eyes narrow as her features tense some more. That was a key statement, wasn’t it? If there is one thing they don’t do – especially to each other – it’s lying. No white lies, no lying by omission. To find out the other is not being honest, what’s more – on the very beginning of their journey as lovers, that would be a definite dealbreaker. It didn’t needed to be said, not when they got together, neither when they remained friends.

Of the very few boundaries they had, that’s always been an uncrossable one.

On the other hand – beating around the bush or dropping, changing the topic says enough on their own.

“Not every misfortune happening in my life is related to your narcissistic ass if you haven’t noticed yet,” not an answer he was waiting for, but definitely an answer that reached its goal and riled him up even higher.

“Nice try, but you never had problems with speaking your mind, even in the room full of people. Why are you chickening out now?” he decides on the same approach she has taken.

“I don’t feel like sharing anything with you right now.”

“What did I do to deserve being pushed away?” his voice becomes heavier. “I won’t go to sleep with you being mad at me for God knows what.”

Mina snorts ironically in response, shaking her head. “When I said nothing, I meant it,” she bends to pick up her things. “Stay up,” she gathers her belongings and straightens. “I don’t care. I don’t owe you any explanation.”

“No, definitely, I don’t need to know why you can barely look at me. Because you keeping the memo to yourself will definitely help resolve the situation.”

“Honestly – you’re doing everything against it,” she swings her bag on one of her arms with the bigger force than necessary and her fingers tighten on the strap.

He stirs in the bed, his body preparing him to rise up as well. “So I’m supposed to keep quiet and let you decide on your own?!”

“Yes!”

“Why?!”

“Because I’m trying to figure out what the fuck is wrong with me!”


	3. Chapter 3

_He stirs in the bed, his body preparing him to rise up as well. “So I’m supposed to keep quiet and let you decide on your own?!”_

_“Yes!”_

_“Why?!”_

_“Because I’m trying to figure out what the fuck is wrong with me!”_

Silence.

Silence in the room.

No, not the actual silence.

Just their breaths – elevated, slightly rasped.

Mina’s lips part somewhat as her eyes grow bigger, the realization she wanted to process on her own, away from anyone’s – especially his – knowledge, left her mouth between one heartbeat and another. Her gaze falls to the floor with a harsh inhale.

The cat’s out of the bag.

Simultaneously, across from her, angry marks on August’s face soften to an open consternation. His tensed jaw unclench. The brows ease the frown. Hard line of his lips relaxes from a thick grimace. And his brain?

His brain stops.

All of sudden, the irritation making him push at her goes out his system and the emptiness he feels is as noticeable as the previous emotion. He looks her up from his sitting position, trying to gauge what happened to make her question herself in that manner.

He comes up empty.

“Why would you even say that about yourself in the first place?” the words carry entirely different tone now, they’re quieter, softer. He genuinely doesn’t understand.

In his eyes, she’s perfect. Or as perfect as human being can be, with all the shortcomings, flaws and assets their kind carry. She’s perfect for him. She’s the woman who changed him, his life without even trying. Woman who has never been afraid to call him out, but also fought for him and stood by him when he needed support. Woman who challenges him both on professional and personal ground.

She’s yin to his yang. It was as true back then as it’s now.

Perhaps now even more.

Mina swallows thickly, yet as soon as her stare levels with his, her walls seem to be back up on their full height and ready to shield her from whatever this situation is.

“Isn’t it how it is? I came to your place unannounced, woke you up in the middle of the night and was doing everything to push you away,” her voice is so calm now, it bothers him more than if she would be screaming. “Something must be wrong with me indeed. But don’t worry,” she says ironically, yet the last two words are somehow choked up – though she doesn’t let him read the clues on her face long enough to figure out the exact emotion clenching her throat. “You can go back to sleep now.”

Part of him – unconscious part, as it takes another second for his awareness to catch up – knows exactly what she’s about to do before she finishes her first movement, turning on her heel. When she takes a step forward in the direction of the exit, all his inner red lights are already flashing angrily at him from inside of his mind.

To put it in easy words, the motion works as a slap.

He’s on his legs within a moment, guilt shooting through his veins, immediately heavying his stomach. He’s been acting like a demanding asshole, hasn’t he? No matter how off she’s been behaving, he shouldn’t have approached her in the manner he did. Fuck, he has always been straightforward with her, but waiting until she’ll get into bed and adding “ _I’m worried about you_ ” somewhere in the meantime wouldn’t cost his ego that much. It wouldn’t cost him _a damn thing_.

“No. Mina. Wait,” he reaches to touch her arm, but his hand stalls in the air when she shoots him a glance over her shoulder. At least she halts in her tracks. “This is not how I think or feel about you. I could _never_. I’m sorry I… made you question yourself, that was never my purpose. Please baby, let’s not end this argument this way.”

AJ squeezes his eyes for a second and he lifts the awkwardly stretched palm to run it through his locks in a baffled manner. Years after years, his temperament brings him to all sorts of fights, but seeing the hurt on Mina’s face… It stabbed him right into the solar plexus in return, brought bitterness to his tongue.

When she doesn’t answer his plea, not in words and neither in gestures, he prompts, “We don’t have to talk if you don’t want to, just please… don’t turn your back to me. Apparently I… am still having a weak spot thinking you’d rather be better off without me.” The last part of the sentence is spoken with minimal grimace on his face, he catches her stare, hoping she would see the mix of emotions in his. “Old habits die hard, huh,” he says, his tone partially sounding like a question, partially like a harsh realization as his eyes lower from their just locked gazes.

Mina shifts her weight somewhat awkwardly from one leg to another, her blood still hot in her veins, her skin still flushed, yet her temper calming up a notch. His confession wasn’t left unheard. One or two strings in her known for its coldness heart has been touched, in the manner only his words could and she feels the old anger-and-irritation duet that holds no name raising to the forefront in her mind.

She guesses where does that come from.

She values his biological mother as a doctor, though as a mother itself, Mina still has hard time deciding whether or not she deserves any respect. There were ways to ensure her son would have connection to his biological parents, even if the link wouldn’t be considered standard. Nothing about August is standard anyway, not feet size, not style of clothing, neither sense of humor nor intelligence. He should have had sort of relationship with his biological parents from the start, in as _unique_ way as he is.

Then, perhaps, they wouldn’t be having this fight right now.

Astray thought mingling in the flow of the stream crossing her consciousness dares to tell her, that, if her childhood, her relationship with parents would look different – they might not be having the argument either.

The idea chills her enough to sober up from the initial wave of rage shoving through her and she finds herself saying, “Give me a good reason to stay,” because if he can act on his fucked up past, she can do as well.

Out of pure instinct, Austin – her usually self-assured, witty and eloquent lover – catches her eyes again and his lips part, readying him to answer, yet before any sound comes out, he closes them deliberately. Then ogles her openly, point-blank mapping her body with his gaze and at the same time, there’s no other emotion in his stare than vulnerability.

She’s struck with awareness of just how familiar he is with this side of his personality, despite (or maybe thanks to) his explosive nature. He might be turning from one sensation to another in the matter of seconds, yet his reactions are always carrying this deeply honest acknowledgement of what’s been happening inside his mind. He doesn’t put his emotions on a show just for the sake of show, he’s _feeling_ defenselessness when it comes to her.

He only confirms her recognition when he admits, “You’re my favorite person in the world. I feel like I can tell you everything. I wish I could make you feel safe enough with me for you to feel you can share everything with me as well. I didn’t manage that when I pushed at you, Mina. I wish you would give me another chance.”

She swallows thickly. His revelation sounds taken straightforward from psychology textbooks she never cared to read in her psychology class during university. Not that she thinks she would learn from them anything.

Then – it also resembles what psychologist she used to see for a while would probably recommend while resolving an argument: accept and declare your feelings, recognize your mistakes, speak about your needs. Be open. Listen to your partner. Compromise.

He seems so damn mature when he does that, doesn’t he? The annoyance rising in her has a petty, childish energy – part of her is indignant he manages to be so in touch with his emotional side to understand what the hell is going on with his limbic system within seconds, whereas she’s been struggling to understand her behavior for a longer while and all she came up with was “ _something is wrong with me_ ”. Standing in front of his possessed wisdom how to be a proper adult in a relationship, she feels pathetic with her problem now, as if she put on the armor without an approaching danger.

Belittled. That’s the word for how she’s feeling.

Yet, _again_ , it doesn’t make sense. Nothing in his words indicates he’s belittling her. _Fuck_ , he has just said she’s his favorite person and he wishes to make her comfortable around him to the point where she won’t hesitate to share her troubles with him. A frown forms on her forehead. He’s not exposing his weak spot to spite her, to show her how amazingly skilled he is even when it comes to his vulnerabilities.

It has to mean – most of it is in her head.

Which doesn’t make things any easier.

She suspected as much in the peripheries of her mind while she was methodically scrubbing the exhausting day off of her skin under the shower, but he didn’t give her a chance to come to terms with the conclusion and even more so, she hasn’t had the time to figure out how to handle the discovery.

So here they are.

Mina catches herself nipping on her bottom lip in consideration and holding his gaze, searching in it anything that would give her anger a line to hold on to, but she doesn’t find any. What’s more, previously silenced attachment – that silly voice convincing her he’s hers and his arms are safe to shield her from whatever burden she carries – comes back with its irresistible whispers to trust him.

She rolls her eyes internally, because – wasn’t her life easier when she was stone-hearted bitch people claimed her to be?

August must have read her indecisiveness as a silent agreement to his declaration and he takes a tentative step closer watching out for her reaction. When she doesn’t move in any direction, he brings her slim hand in his bigger one with something more akin to his usual confidence. Their stares never leave one another. The tension in the air feels different, more fragile.

“What do you think?” his intonation doesn’t necessarily address the issue of her giving them a second chance to straighten this night.

“That being on my own was so much damn easier.”

Her confession sounds harsh and only after the words has left her mouth she realizes she’s not entirely sure what made her say so. It was a truth, yet it felt like a taunt to tip him off his eerie peace.

“But was it better?”

_No, it wasn’t._

The thought appears on the heels of his question and in the same instance she knows it’s the truth. The fact he’s just so _fucking_ unnerving sometimes doesn’t change it.

She sighs. “No, it wasn’t.”

She thinks she notices him release a breath that he might have been holding. Or he finds this exact moment as a right one for a longer exhale. Aside from this one truth, she doesn’t know shit at this point.

“I hoped you’d say that,” he concludes, his tone somewhat hushed. Almost as he has just heard her thoughts. His thumb caresses side of her palm.

Her skin tingles where he smooths his finger over it.

Mina’s gaze – that has wandered away from his when he set his inquiry – eventually stops on their joined hands and she realizes they’re not holding hands, he’s holding her hand. Her fingers didn’t lace with his, her palm didn’t curl around his.

It is a trifle.

Yet it is not.

_It’s not you against him, but the two of you against the problem._

Back when she first came upon these words, they were just an Internet wisdom, something to read, brush off and forget. Now, when her ire settled and she regained some clarity of thought despite the exhaustion, the principle gained new depth. Wasn’t she just reminiscing downstairs how they’ve become more?

_Two people consciously deciding to choose the other day by day, no matter the circumstances._ Partners _in the truest meaning._

Someone else might say they’ve been struck with a bolt of comprehension, but for Mina, it felt more as being hit with a brick of understanding. She didn’t treat him like her partner when she decided to brood over her mixed up feelings from distance, avoiding his efforts to reach out for her. After all, it wouldn’t cost her ego that much to tell him she’s bothered by some of her behavior, but she needs to wrap her head around it and she’s not ready to talk yet. It wouldn’t cost her _a damn thing_.

“Is _it_ better for you _now_ than _it_ _was_ , too?”

Her heart skips a beat.

Only after hearing her own voice in her ears Mina realizes the weight held by the question. Like a key turning the lock, it _clicked_ in her mind and opened the source of her initial quick anger. She was feeling herself shifting, moving into some other place – quite pleasant and comfortable, one she could see herself getting used to, though at the same time, a place she didn’t know how to navigate, not much anyway. But, as all good things coming her way, she was aware that staying there would demand a price and as much as those changes seemed like it, apparently the real cost was… the insecurity it has all been for nothing.

Because, in the end, he might have decided that _this_ … what they have is just good as it lasts. That he imagined it differently. That he hoped she was going to be different, to smile more easily, to be less argumentative, to become more of a warm flame – less of the wildfire.

And involutionary, subconsciously she did.

She has seen him happy, after all, hasn’t she?

Perhaps what bothered her the most was the idea of those changes turning permanent. She could swallow down being beside herself for a while as she settles into her new reality, but to stay that way forever? What if after learning she could behave in this way, he would only want her as such?

August’s thumb pulls her chin gently upward and his steady gaze finds her eyes.

“No doubts here,” he admits sincerely. “I don’t want _anyone_ or _anything_ else.” There’s a flicker of grimace on his face before he takes it under control, like he has just put a restraint on a inquiry itching his tongue.

“Nothing?” she presses, noticing the hesitation.

His answer follows so soon, that uncertain and confused part of her doesn’t even have time to grow suspicious.

“Perhaps just… to know if we aren’t moving too fast to your liking. We skipped some dating phrases, did some things out of order, so I guess I kinda started to worry you might be not finding the pace okay,” he places his hand higher, resting his palm on her cheek. “I think you’d tell me if that would be the case, but maybe you haven’t realized that yourself.”

Mina’s forehead creases slightly into a frown. She’s surprised the idea didn’t occur to her earlier.

Could the magical explanation of all her struggles just fall upon her?

It’s one thing to be in love with him – she’s been for a while, after all – and it’s completely another to find out how easily he fitted into her life within this short time, how much effect his presence created. She didn’t shy out when ironic and casual (though no less honest) ‘ _yeah, I love you too’_ slipped past her lips, she didn’t freak out when he threw a spare set of keys at her in the morning. She took it all in her stride, as if these have been most natural and logical steps to where they’ve been heading. She might not know where exactly that is, yet until that moment, nothing seemed going in the wrong direction or in a wrong speed.

_Actually, it still doesn’t_.

That’s not the answer to her turmoil.

“I don’t think that’s the problem.”

“So what is it?”

She wants to say, _‘I walk around smiling like an idiot, or so I’ve heard’_ or _‘I’d gladly eat half cold meal and watch the stupidest show if I’d be doing that with you’_ or _‘I don’t like house pets and I’ve been talking to your cat and petting it’_ or _‘I had a long day and first thing I did was come to you’_ – yet all those words get stuck in her throat and with a breath of clarity, new sinking feeling begins to settle at the pit of her stomach, one that painfully resembles fear. Every sarcastic comment she was ready to make seems terribly dry. All of sudden, she knows. She’s afraid this madness is hers and hers alone.

That his world hasn’t been twisted upside down as well.

“Mina?”

She lifts her gaze to meet his openly uncertain look.

“Do you want to go to sleep?”

Gentleness of his voice brings some guilt into the peculiar mix rolling around her abdomen. Somewhere in the back of her mind she muses he looks helpless, just a string hidden in wrinkles of his forehead and underneath his eyes, in the slightest tilt of his lips. Like in those fractions of a second, in between the realization that the flatline flashing on the OR screen behind her is not going to curve again and before grim acceptance covers his features.

“We will talk later if and when you’ll want to,” his eyes search for something on her face. She can guess the skin there is still marked by that minimal frown as the only reaction reflecting in her expression. She probably looks detached, far away again even though standing right next to him.

It’s a habit, really. And they _do_ die hard.

She’s been trying to put distance between them throughout this whole encounter, because thinking straight and most objectively while having August in close proximity isn’t the easiest task, then – it doesn’t matter and whatever she looks like, he sends her a small, reassuring smile anyway. Her steel resolution breaks as she lets herself lean into his touch, even as her other arm is still clutching her garments and the bag sits on her shoulder. The twisting sensation clasping her stomach loses a little strength and the relief seeping into her system makes her finally lace her fingers with his.

AJ glances briefly at their connected hands, just as she murmurs, “Okay.”

Not waiting for his response and before she can give herself an opportunity to change her mind, she moves – lightly pulling him by their interweaved palms – and drops her belongings back on the armchair, her bag included. After this step is done, she walks toward the bed, then halts just before the edge, somewhat awkwardly noticing they have to part ways to slide under the covers. August must have come to the same conclusion, because he squeezes her palm and next thing she knows, he’s pushing the blanket aside for both of them and sitting on his side.

Mina follows suit, reaching the sheets and bringing her legs under the soft material. Despite the events of the night – or perhaps in contrast to them? – the process feels soothingly familiar and natural, even with their short time of practice. She pulls the covers up their bodies as August turns the lamp off, Mina wiggles a little to make sure not an inch of her back is uncovered by the blanket and he brings his arm underneath a small pillow his head is resting on, next they end up on their sides facing each other. A pinch of weirdness comes back when the silence prolongs.

“Do you want to… cuddle or something?”

“Honestly, I don’t know,” she shares the truth. Suddenly enclosed by the tiredness, her eyelids grew heavy and her guard lowered, though perhaps not to the point to completely silence the thread of anxiety stopping her from indulging herself in his reassuring warmth.

“Huh, alright. Goodnight then,” AJ murmurs as he turns to his back and throws his previously hidden arm on top of his forehead.

Thanks to the light coming from the bathroom, she watches him get comfortable through half-lidded eyes, then she repeats, “Goodnight.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story has been difficult for me to write, probably the most difficult of all the stories I've written so far. It challanged me terribly, both my skills and endurance, so I hope once you'll finish it, you'll decide you have enjoyed the ride (and hopefully tell me about your feelings in the comment section).  
> Last time, we're coming home.

_“Huh, alright. Goodnight then,” AJ murmurs as he turns to his back and throws his previously hidden arm on top of his forehead._

_Thanks to the light coming from the bathroom, she watches him get comfortable through half-lidded eyes, then she repeats, “Goodnight.”_

For a while it’s just their breaths. Quiet, yet too measured to be considered unconscious. She hopes he will fall asleep soon; underslept surgeons – or, doctors in general – are a common problem, though one she would like not to add more fuel to than she already has by her own limited amount of sleep.

This whole argument was a stupid idea, a confrontation they might have avoided and though usually she’s not sorry for any of their quarrels, this time she thinks they would have been better off without it.

Mina would be better off without any of this.

If she could just place the blame on AJ’s side, probably she would be able to huff with exasperation for long enough to tire herself to doze off, yet the nudging at her insides keep her in the steel grasp away from dreams.

It’s ridiculous, she knows it. She’s Mina _freaking_ Okafor and she should be able to handle being in love with AJ Austin. And she thought she was, too. But then she started seeing she’s turning into one of these lovely dovey crackheads she talks so poorly about and AJ’s been in such a good humor and _for fucks sake_ , she’s been as well, then why on Earth, she’s so sure _it’s a wrong thing?!_ Why does she feel she’s slowly descending into madness with no easy way out and straight on the path to get hurt _again_?

Frankly, if she thought watching him walking the halls of Chastain with Andrea on his arm and that _silly_ smile plastered to his lips ( _the smile_ that used to belong to herself ) – hurt, then she really didn’t see it coming. Perhaps it’s true. Perhaps she didn’t, because, if this new relationship they have worked out _won’t work out_ , it’ll be… bad. Awful. Sad. Lonely.

Not like after break up with Micah. _So much worse than her breakup with Micah._

With Micah, she didn’t have hidden _deep, deep down_ surety that if they’ll get together, it would be an endgame. It took her long time to accept the conviction she had about her relationship with August, though when she came to terms with it two weeks ago, just _now_ is she to realize, she’s nowhere near prepared for _what if they fall apart_ _because they’ll learn it’s now what they wanted._

_What he wanted._

Argh, like her acting like an idiot wouldn’t be enough!

Mina grunts and urged by some unknown impulse – brought up by all that thinking of their exes or the need to ground herself in a reality, not wrecked up musings trying to swallow her sanity – she shifts closer to AJ, then turns her body on the other side and resolutely brings his forearm down from his face to comfortably cushion her head on his shoulder. She’s well aware of her back pressed to the line of his ribs as she effectively cuddles the length of his arm with both of her hands.

“You really have to drive me _fucking crazy_ , don’t you?” she hisses almost inaudible, not to bother him in his sleep.

“Right back at ya’,” August mutters while sliding the hand of his snuggled arm on her hip. He doesn’t sound _that_ sleepy to be just roused up.

“What are you talking about?”

“That you’re not the only one who’s got tad bit crazy in this relationship,” he clarifies sarcastically and moves his left knee slightly between her legs, previously pressed together.

She snorts – a comment both to his doings and his words, but she lets the first one slide. “You’d need some evidence for me to believe that.”

“That scientific streak of yours, truly enchanting, darling,” he concludes, a whisper of genuine amusement coloring his tone. The endearment on the end though – it feels like a tip of a feather tickling her heart. “Alright, so I’ve been waking up in the middle of the night and cuddling you closer or squeezing you tight like that,” he presents her the idea, using the arm she has her hands wrapped around, “just to convince my hazy brain that you’re still there and I didn’t dream that up.”

There’s a silence on her side, then, “Oh,” she lets out, like he has just shared a discovery that solved a part of a greater mystery. “I felt you do that, I just kinda thought you like it.”

He chuckles with some sort of enjoyment. “I do, but that’s just half the reason. The other half are various testaments to how messed up I am.”

“Why?”

“Why what? Why I’m still having abandonment issues after my bioparents? _Shit,_ Mina,” he rolls his eyes for a better effect, despite the fact no one can see it, “I don’t know, but _hey,_ it’s not such a big deal after all, I think I manage it quite graceful–” AJ teases, even though he’s actually teasing himself – when she interjects him.

“No, why do you keep doing _this…_ this squeezing?” he senses her lightly shake her head and he can bet she’s frowning. “Why would you tell me this, _now_?”

His fingers start drumming on her hipbone. “I’ve just told you – because sometimes I’m not sure _it, us_ are not just a midnight fantasy, because being with you feels too good to be true,” he shrugs with his free shoulder, even if – still – she cannot see it. His voice is clear and certain in its lack of shame about having these insecurities. “You wanted proof, I gave you the proof. What, you need more?”

At this point, Mina cannot say if the clenching in her stomach has gotten worse or loosened its hold. Hearing him say out loud, utterly at ease and accepting that he allows himself to nourish this dumb urge of making sure she’s really sleeping with him, it’s… it’s freeing, somehow. He’s right, it’s crazy and it’s stupid.

That’s exactly why she ignores the playing note of his question and half turns to catch a glimpse of him with, “Yeah.”

AJ’s head twists slightly in her direction and his eyebrows shoot upwards. “Well, I’ve been catching myself on spending quite some time thinking about where we could go or what we could see or if you’d find something interesting or funny. It’s not that strange, all in all, but I’ve got to admit, my focus hasn’t been so poor in a long time,” his gaze drifted away to the ceiling only to return to hers near the end.

“You know, I was writing someone’s medical report earlier that week and there was an ad on the radio, some restaurant with Spanish cuisine and I wondered if you’d like to go there – trying to write at the same time, of course – so I’ve ended up with _churros and tapas_ in the card. And no, I didn’t find out until nurse Milowsky pointed it out,” he chuckles again.

Mina narrows her eyes slightly, but his anecdote manages to curve one corner of her lips. “Cliché.”

“All your fault,” he scolds her mockingly, a small grin making its way to his lips too. “Oh, and when I buy a Pepsi bottle, I get trauma symptoms imagining you’ve caught me drinking it. It counts too, doesn’t it?”

Mina’s elbow makes contact with his ribs faster than she can establish if that’s the right decision or not. Though, truth be told, she doesn’t feel any sort of guilt after the act is done and August’s groan pierces the air. It carries more of a surprise than actual pain and she could swear the grunt has a laughing edge, too.

Her suspicions are confirmed a second later, when AJ brings his face closer to her cheek and leaves a peck here in response. The touch of his lips leaves unexpectedly pleasant sensation as for such a quick kiss and perhaps that’s because its departure manages to take away some of her nerves.

At least for a moment, until he hums, “Your turn,”, stopping the breath of relief mid her throat.

She must have tensed too, revealing her struggle – considering his immediate stillness.

“That’s it, isn’t it?” he asks, his eyes widening with recognition.

Unable to confirm or deny his inquiry – and hating the cowardness she let herself be possessed by – Mina shifts back into her turned position. She’s fed up with anxiety sickening her stomach, what’s more, tucked under August’s arm, not quite convinced if her insecurities have any right to exist. Her behavior during the argument seems petty now, like a storm in a teacup.

She hears AJ sighing behind her, not _why are you so difficult_ sigh, but _you’re worrying me honey_ sigh and she’s not sure which one is worse. Although, he doesn’t give her time to contemplate the idea, moving to curve his body around hers and once he’s settled, branding her shoulder with his lips.

“This is what was bothering you earlier? You think something’s wrong with you, because you’re a little crazy about me?” he murmurs into her ear, his nose pressed behind her ear.

She has to give him two things – there’s no judgement in his tone, no hint of teasing even though that would be a perfect line to joke around. The second – he has put the pieces together faster than she would have guessed, making the connections where nobody else might look for. Either focus he has claimed to lose its sharpness hasn’t been affected so strongly as he thinks or he knows her better than she knows herself, because even Mina needed more than two clues to draw the link between the dots.

A bitter snicker bubbled in her throat, because either way – he’s right and all of her concerns sound extremely pathetic now.

Another kiss on her skin, behind her ear where his nose was.

“Mina, _talk to me._ I bet whatever it is, two great minds like ours will have it solved within next five minutes.”

She bites on her bottom lip, trying to tame all the irritation, doubts, hesitation, this mixed up pile of emotions she’s still awfully inexperienced to navigate and she seems to gain little knowledge with time. “Yes.”

August takes a moment to himself, still keeping the closeness she’s too tired to pretend she doesn’t want.

“Alright, I’m gonna need some evidence.”

“Of what?” she asks, even though she certainly knows.

“Of your craziness,” he replies patiently – partially thinking it’s not possible after the tantrum he had not so long ago – and then adds to prompt her, “I gave you mine.”

Mina swallows thickly. Perhaps it’s time to throw caution to the wind.

“I’m having people telling me I walk around with a goofy smile they’ve never seen before. That I’m nicer and whatever brought that up, I should keep doing this. I’d be thinking about you, that working different hours pisses me off and if we would still be working together, in times like tonight, we might eat whatever and drift off to sleep together with some idiotic show playing in the background. I’m doing things I’ve never done like daydreaming and random good deeds to people and _for fuck’s sake_ , interacting with your cats,” she lets out, feeling like she (he?) broke the dam that should have been left intact, yet, she continues.

“That’s not _me_ , this is not how I behave and it’s been getting on my nerves in the back of my mind, because I’ve _never_ acted this way and I’ve got no fucking idea if this brainwashing is permanent or what consequences will it leave and I _hate_ the thought you’d expect me to stay that way.”

When her lips close, she finds the silence following her monologue itching, no matter its shortness. Maybe she has just made things worse between them and they’ll argue further or he will try to soothe her worries, but deep down find her being hysterical and that will set the tone for their relationship from now on. In day to day life, she’s everything _but_ hysterical, her decisions cold analysis of advantages and disadvantages, so _what the hell_ brought that whiny episode?

“Do you know what moment I was painfully aware I fell in love with you?”

It… is not the course she has foreseen this conversation to go. The strangeness of the question finds her tilting her head toward August.

“No,” she mutters, despite _why does it matter_ pressing on her tongue.

“We were extracting a heart for a transplant and aside from our usual talk regarding the procedure, you’ve been roasting me about something. The ping-pong match has been going for a longer while, then we’ve got quiet, busy with removing the heart, next, all of sudden you’ve popped up with some insightful comment that also happened to be quite complementary, it made me feel warm. Special.”

He pauses and before she’s the chance to interject, proceeds, his gaze solemnly fixed on her face, “I thought of all the times you’ve been giving me trouble – in all forms and shapes – and how I wouldn’t have it any other way if at the end of the day I could see you smiling like you did then. And it just has dawned on me, you know, that somewhere between my admiration for your skills, your sass, your determination, your heart, your smile and perhaps fifty other of your qualities, I’ve found myself under your spell.”

It… was not the declaration of love she has expected.

Mina’s brows knit together as she tries to simultaneously create a relation between her pity party and his confession and dig out from her memory situation he might have been describing. Frankly, in both cases the effort is futile, because she has no goddamn clue what his intention is and she doesn’t remember details between like, twenty or more similar procedures. If she would have to guess though, he kept all the specific information about that event on purpose.

She swallows as she turns on her back, “When was that transplant?”

In the little light coming from the bathroom and thanks to the nearness of their bodies, she can see AJ blinking slowly once, then twice with his eyebrows arched, next he snorts with his nose and smirks with incredulous expression.

“I’ve bared my soul in front of you trying to make a point and you’ve just shrugged it off, asking me when did that happen?” despite the ironical approach, his tone is playfully accusatory and Mina doesn’t think she has just unintentionally stepped on his heart.

Focusing on unearthing the date is fairly easier than confronting the speech he has just given her, because as much as couple of _I love you_ s have been dropped here and there, _this_ … proclamation is something huge. It renders speechless her anxiety and her inner demons don’t know how to react as much as she doesn’t. Only, perhaps, she knows she cherishes every word of it.

“Yeah?” she tries somewhat uncertainly.

“I’m not telling you,” she notices a grin curving his lips again, right before he leaves a peck on the tip of her nose and inquires in more sober voice, “So, did my little story humor you?”

“I…” her mouth begins before her brain can catch up and the word is soft on her lips, covered in astonishment she feels, then – nothing. She exhales and starts anew. “I have… Well, I’ve never thought you’d…” yes, she’s stuttering and Mina _doesn’t stutter._ It’s a sign in itself, he’s aware. “Ugh. As much as I’m flattered – and have _no idea_ how to deal with that… _mushiness_ – I still don’t understand why… why did you brought that up,” she ends up her statement with confused note coloring her tone and her eyelids kept low, her brow furrowed.

AJ chuckles wholeheartedly, his thumb petting her cheek. “Mina, I fell in love with a woman kicking my ass left and right, so no, I _do not_ and I _will not_ expect you to be anything else than you are. That you feel right to be,” he waits for her gaze to level with his and when it does, his eyes seem to be sparkling in the dark room. “I want you to be happy with me. That’s all I care about.”

“I am,” she finds herself almost whispering, but no hesitancy taunting her.

“ _I am too_ , so what’s wrong with a lil’ bit of being nuts? I mean, most relationships get the butterflies phrase, so why not us?” he questions rhetorically. “I know we’ve been butting heads for almost three years, but even scary people like us deserve some endorphin rush now and then when they start butting butts.”

She’s one hundred percent sure he used the comical phrase _butting butts_ to get a choked, disconcerted, awkward laugh out of her throat and damn him, but he succeeded.

“I wouldn’t know. I was never an idiot whose sense of logic was run over their endocrine system,” Mina concludes ironically.

“ _Oh_ , am I your first time? That’s actually cute.”

“No, it’s _definitely_ not.”

“Of course it is,” August grins at her affectionately. “Who cares about awards, they’re being given to someone every year, but I’m _your_ first batch of butterflies and _you are_ Mina _freaking_ Okafor.”

“I can’t say if you’re trying to make fun of me or–“

“No, no, _damn_ , Mina, I’m not,” he hurries, shake of his head following his words, “I treasure this. I treasure how head over heels I am for you, too. Because – being crazy about each other, as much as it’s inevitable, it’s also temporary. Sooner rather than later we’re gonna forget all this mess, for now though, it’s only fair we get to share this madness.”

Funny choice of words.

_Share this madness._

Like – somehow – he was able to hear her twisted up thoughts and anticipate her need to know that she’s not spiraling down into an unknown abyss alone. The feeling taking over Mina’s body resembles unraveling, or so she thinks, as knots she didn’t even know about begins to dissolve and her previously alerted heartbeat evens out. There’s a spark down there inside her, looking like a flame able to melt the icy coat clenching her guts. Hope?

“So as long we are being lunatics, I guess we might as well go with the flow and enjoy the ride,” he adds after a short moment, drawing tiny hearts over her cheekbone.

“That… doesn’t come easily to me,” Mina concedes, her sight stuck somewhere to her left.

“Does fighting it leave you in a better place?”

His inquiry is so on point, she reflexively turns her gaze back to him. They stare at each other silently for couple of second, both knowing the true answer. The negation doesn’t need to be voiced.

His hand moves away from her face, settling on her middle, only to be replaced by his forehead lightly pressed against her own. August closes his eyes and her eyelids drops as well. The drowsiness Mina has been pushing away covers her consciousness again, her body more lax that it has been throughout the whole evening. As the beginning of acceptance seeps into her bones, her hand rises to tangle in the curls on the back of his head.

“I never realized how it’s going to look afterwards,” she admits deliberately, surprised the recognition made it out of her mouth, “I weighted possible _if_ s and _how_ s, but somehow, the thought of how different this relationship – in its new version – will affect me, in the ways I didn’t anticipate, that never crossed my mind.”

“So you didn’t have any expectations for us being together?” AJ sounds genuinely curious, bringing some space between them.

“Well, I hoped we won’t jump to our throats on every possible occasion… And maybe if with that big mouth of yours, you aren’t only bark,” she comments more like herself.

August chuckles, his white teeth flashing in the little light reflected in the room. “Did the bite part satisfy you?”

“It’s too early to evaluate,” Mina feels whisper of smile tugging at her lips.

Trying to follow the current of feelings swimming in her vessels, she brings his forehead back to hers with a content sigh, letting the calm and comfort of his closeness soothe the remains of her worries. Her nails skim over skin of his skull, gently scratching it in the way she has already learned he loves. Not that he complains about being petted in general, but having her run her fingers through his hair seems to be working on him best.

What has been bothering her doesn’t seem like a cruelty of the universe and ambush on her sanity anymore, not with his arm around her waist and his calm breaths tickling her cheek and his honesty about going through the same phase she’s been struggling with. Told from his point of view, she can see deviations from his normal behavior being as interim as fairly… cute. The idea of being on his mind during the basest activities is somewhat flattering, the concept of his deep attachment to the role she plays in his life now somewhat sweet. Mina can guess it works both ways.

Then, perhaps, dealing with the madness together is the only sensible approach.

And they have never really failed as a team, did they?

“Are we okay?” she hears his baritone murmur sliding in the comfortable quietness.

This time it’s her who separates them. “We are,” she confirms, finding his sight. “I’m sorry you’ll pay for that in the morning.”

“I’m not. I’ll drink my Pepsi without stings of remorse.”

She pats back of his head in a playful warning, but the gesture loses its bit of angriness when yawn catches her unprepared and she tilts her head to cover it in her arm. “Really, August–”

“Shhhh,” he hushes her with his lips once she turns her head back in his direction. “Not my first, not my last time. Besides, I sleep better having you next to me, so I’ll be okay. Just _please_ , don’t give me a heart attack next time you slip in after midnight,” he ends with a light laugh. “Now, can I finally get a proper kiss from my girlfriend?”

“I don’t know, can you?” Mina retorts with a roll of her eyes while her hand tightens the hold on his hair and using slightly more force than necessary, brings him down to meet his lips midway.

Kissing him still makes her nerve endings tingle and shoot impulses with a lightning speed, her body responding on its own volition. She opens her mouth just enough to catch his bottom lip between and find the right pressure as her free hand curves around his cheek to guide him into a better angle.

AJ doesn’t stay behind with his ministrations, partially covering Mina’s lean frame with his bigger one, sneaking the hand he kept on her middle underneath her head to cradle the fine structure there. He moves his lips against hers, the tempo unhurried but passionate. There’s no fight of dominance, never was, because as much as he pins her to the mattress, it’s clear it’s Mina who sets the tone, taking and giving what she wants.

Actually, despite how assertive and strong their characters are, this one type of clash hasn’t been a problem from the very beginning. Perhaps they’ve spent enough time battling about the thing – first as coworkers, then as friends – that as lovers, nothing in this area was left to prove. Or maybe, they both took so much pleasure in their encounters, it didn’t really matter who was leading who. Anyway, they unanimously didn’t give a damn about the dominance they tended to seek in other areas of their lives. Not then, not now.

What matters though, is how Mina nips on his upper lip – after switching her attention on it from her previous occupancy – and sucks on the small bite, causing him to grunt in satisfaction. His facial hair scratches her chin as she does so and her palm seeks more roughness of his beard. Her own sigh of delight bubbles in the back of her throat when he shifts his mouth away to dig his face in the space between her jaw and ear to leave his share of nibbles.

Only when she gasps too, AJ murmurs, “In my humble opinion, that will do for a proper _hello_.”

She chuckles. “You are anything but humble.”

He snorts at her comment. “Now I don’t know if I want to give you _goodnight_.”

“You know you do.”

Mina leaves definitely shorter and more chaste kiss on his lips without waiting for confirmation. Once she’s done, she can feel all the hours she has spent awake weighting on her at once and keeping her eyelids open starts being a challenge. She runs her nails back and forth in his hair, “Goodnight.”

Taking on the clue, AJ pecks her one last time and using the position he’s already in, settles lower with his leg still thrown between hers and lays his head on her chest. His forehead reaches the base of her neck and his arm wraps around her waist. Contentment, utter peace.

Soon enough he can feel Mina’s arms circling his shoulders in a embrace and one of her palms makes its way back to his hair. He thinks about throwing some amusing remark regarding his face being comfortably cushioned on her bosom, but decides against the moment he hears her whispering–

“I’m glad we get to share the madness. And are still okay.”

“Me too, baby,” he squeezes her tighter for a second.

Sleep follows them soon afterwards – like coming home.


End file.
